How do I categorize this?

My relationship with the gym

Let’s go ahead and say something self-evident: most women have a complicated relationship with the gym. You spend hours on cardio machines that give you no short-term results and need to bribe yourself with cute new workout tops just to get the motivation to go. I’m not exactly what you’d call athletic…accident prone is a better term for the way my body works. I am awkward and gangly just walking around in everyday life, so asking my body to do a series of movements in a work out doesn’t look very coordinated.

But summer is coming, which means swimsuits are coming, which ultimately means I should go to the gym. I literally don’t know how to use any machine but the treadmill…so I’m pretty limited. I figured a stationary bicycle would be the next easiest piece of equipment for me to use, so I decided to take a spinning class. Good times. I think the theory was to get your legs moving fast enough on the bike to remove your joints from their sockets if you wanted. The class was 30 minutes long, and it broke down perfectly into 3 mental stages for me:

1) I don’t belong: Ok, this bike is adjusted for a 6 -footer. It’s fine. I’ll be fine. Nope, I can’t reach the pedals. Do I raise my hand? Ok ya, teacher can you help me? These pedals are hard to get your feet into, aren’t they? No? Just me? Wait we’re starting already? Why are we starting? I’m not ready. I just had chipotle like a half hour ago. I can feel my chipotle. Help me. Help.

2) Comparison: Everyone else looks like they came out of the womb on a bicycle. How does everyone have so much energy right now? My legs physically cannot move that fast. Am I the only one sweating this much? Thank god they gave us these towels I can’t tell if that’s my forehead or Niagara Falls.

3) I hate spinning class: Why is the instructor so peppy and enthusiastic? Does anyone else find her encouragement to be a bit suspicious? Did she just say turn the resistance nob again? There’s no way in hell I’m turning that nob. Don’t judge me, I can do what I want. Life is too short to spend it riding a bicycle that isn’t going anywhere!

Waking up this morning was a barrel of laughs. There was just soreness; soreness everywhere. Let me tell you, I have never realized so quickly how many stairs I climb every day. I didn’t even brush my hair this morning because my arms are so sore.

I want to love exercise. And for a small, endorphin-sparked moment at the gym I do! Sometimes I think about making working out a long-term thing. I get to this point often, but then, inevitably, the next morning rolls around and the burnout and resentment kicks in and I leave my gym shoes at the door. Maybe my relationship with the gym is just meant to stay long distance. I’m just the type of person who is much more inclined to watch TV with my morning coffee.

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